Christmas Cutbacks

In light of the stark nature of the province's finances and the puny $2 billion surplus in the bank, Premier Brad Wall, on advice from the Board of Enterprise Saskatchewan, will move to implement the following cost-cutting measures for the Twelve Days of Christmas:

1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
2. Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
4. The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by recommendation of Enterprise Saskatchewan. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appears to be in order;
6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by the Ministry of Agriculture will assure government that, from now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
8. The eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the Saskatchewan Federation of Labour. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching;
9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of international air travel, prompted the Ministry of Finance to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work MLAs. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant as the Opposition has ten MLAs seeking employment as a result of the 2007 general election;
11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.

Overall there will be a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals, and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. Service levels will improve if materials can be drop shipped in one day.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the Saskatchewan Bar Association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending. Premier Wall is expected to stick to his election promise of growing the civil service at a rate proportional to the province's population.

Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future for the province to remain competitive. Should that happen, Enterprise Saskatchewan will request the government to scrutinize Snow White to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

(Stolen from kraftmstr.com and edited for more appropriate content. Merry Christmas!)